First post of 2016!!!! I hope you’re having a great year so far! I’ve been busy with a few things personally, so sorry for the delayed posts. I will not post online or give you something to read that has not been on my heart to share, if my thoughts aren’t fully formulated, or if I haven’t experienced these things myself. With that said, recently, I’ve received a few messages about celibacy and I definitely want to assist anyone I can who’s choosing this route. So to prepare you for Valentine’s Day and to get your mind right, I will be doing a celibacy series leading up to V-Day + a giveaway of Devon Franklin and Megan Good’s new book, The Wait! There will be more than one winner. Details coming soon.
A few weeks ago, a friend posed the question—Why are you celibate? Is it because the bible says so or is it a personal choice? Let’s go!
Empowered to live by the Word
It is hard to follow the teachings of Christ and a lot of what’s taught in the Bible, some more than others. When trying to live this (my) life, I have this outlook—live and apply what you can and you will be given the grace to achieve it. I take that approach with patience, loving people, paying tithes, and balancing my spiritual and natural life! None of these things are easy, because we are naturally selfish. However, if we try to live for God, He will meet us where we are! Obviously, one of the more challenging teachings to live by in 2016 and in a sexually charged world is to abstain from sex before marriage. Have I gotten perfect? No, or I wouldn’t be sharing this. But WHY (exaggerate that “why”)? I believe I have the answer…well, my opinion and my experience. I grew up in the church, like a lot of people. I sat there and listened every Sunday. When you’re in attendance and not meditating on the Word, how can you retain what you’re being taught? Reading the bible is a chore, just like homework. But if we want to succeed in that area, we must study, practice, and make that Word alive to us—individually. By doing so, it will renew our minds.
Colossians 3: 10 TLB “You are living a brand new kind of life that is continually learning more and more of what is right, and trying constantly to be more and more like Christ who created this new life within you.”
The process of renewing your mind is in conjunction with a lifestyle change. You’ll start realizing that you either cannot or do not want to associate with the same people and old habits. My process started with a falling off of people, leaving my job, and separating myself for a period of time—everyone is different. This time, you may also notice the purpose of your relationships with people—family, friends, and significant others. People and who you choose to spend your time does have an effect you. It was also during that time of reading, meditating, questioning, and studying the Word I understood why some things were put in place as protective measures.
Romans 12:2 NLV “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”
What’s Leading You
Your flesh (mind and emotions too) is very selfish—it only wants to satisfy itself. Your spirit wants what’s best for you because it is connected to God. It isn’t until you’ve seen Idris Elba walking the carpet, scrappy and scruffy that you feel some type of way. Or when a man sees Sanaa Lathan or any woman walking down the street. Viewing these people or any other person in a sexual manner is appeasing to the flesh—and it’s natural; we were created with eyes and senses. I love a fine man, and I know men love beautiful women, but which way will you allow your thoughts to take you? Remember, it’s all in your mind. I’ve found that people use lack of self-control as an excuse, but it is a choice; you have free will over everything in your life. You have to live by your flesh or your spirit.
Romans 8:5-14 TLB “Those who let themselves be controlled by their old natures live only to please themselves, but those who follow after the Holy Spirit find themselves doing those things that please God. Following after the Holy Spirit leads to life and peace, but following after the old nature leads to death because the old sinful nature within us is against God. It never did obey God’s laws and it never will. That’s why those who are still under the control of their old sinful selves, bent on following their old evil desires, can never please God. But you are not like that. You are controlled by your new nature if you have the Spirit of God living in you. (And remember that if anyone doesn’t have the Spirit of Christ living in him, he is not a Christian at all.) So, you have no obligations whatever to your old sinful nature to do what it begs you to do. For if you keep on following it you are lost, but if through the power of the Holy Spirit you crush it and its evil deeds.
I heard Toure’ Roberts explain this so eloquently:
“Your flesh will never lead you spiritually or to purpose. A relationship with God makes you know better. A relationship with the spirit empowers you to do better. Flesh will lead you to something (or someone) and inwardly you know it’s wrong—yet you are led by your flesh and emotions. Then, flesh will lead you to guilt, shame, and condemnation—a never ending cycle whose only relief is through momentary pleasure. You know better, but your flesh uses what you know against you.”
Even in a non-spiritual sense, you must be careful with who you have sex, when you have sex, and how you portray your sexual liberations. Lady Gaga even shared her opinion about why teens shouldn’t engage in sex. She (roughly) said, “a 17 year old cannot enjoy sex, they are figuring things out; they think it’s what they are supposed to do. I encourage you to wait”. I don’t think she is coming from the context I am coming from per say, but she encourages her fans to wait–which is a positive message. We must separate what society and culture says about sex versus what the (condemning and hypocritical) church says about sex versus what your spiritual (personal connection) and natural-self tells you (as an individual) about sex. (Personal Disclaimer for the trolls, not all churches are hypocritical. I’m obviously talking about the ones that are.)
So, that’s a long answer to the question. The short answer: I trust what the word says about sex—the joining of two people becoming one flesh and embracing love when their souls interact. It is a gift and it is a physical/organic/biological act to enjoy and to procreate. I believe that God made me wonderfully that I want to share that gift of myself and parenthood with someone He wants me to share it with. I’m so selective of men and their intentions—I want my partner to feel the same way I feel; it should be that special, not a momentary pleasure. Having patience reveals deception and true, honest intentions. What man or woman knowingly wants to spend their quality time with someone they don’t respect sexually because they are hoes and/or easy? I’m sorry, promiscuous. I’m about to give too much away for the next post in the series… 🙂
Here are some tips to help you on your journey:
- Don’t try reading the Word for a day or week or 90 day challenge—it must become habitual that it becomes a part of your daily routine until you see results.
- Discipline yourself. If you have to pencil it in on your calendar, write down—SPEND TIME WITH GOD. This can be through reading, praying, worshipping, or sitting still and letting Him speak to you. It works! I’m very impatient, but when I kept trying and seeking, I heard Him.
- Avoid temptation. At. All. Costs. Alcoholics love a good brandy or gin—whatever their pleasure. Recovering alcoholics do not frequent bars.
- PATIENCE REVEALS DECEPTION!!!!
You can read more here while I work on the next post to the series leading up to Valentine’s Day…of course! Expect more on your worth, dating/courting expectations, and what is sex (to the spiritual person navigating their way through the world not being consumed by it… i.e. ME AND YOU!)