Is it me, or has everyone just popped up with a boo lately? “I don’t remember seeing you last or last month. See, I need to get off social media.” Conversations with self. The highlight reel is at again.
The more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves we become – because He made us. He invented us..It is when I turn to Christ, when I give up myself to His personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own.” C.S. Lewis
This season has already been filled with trials and testing and a few times, my petty level has peaked at Remy Ma. Now, i’m fixated on the enemy’s magnifying glass of the non-action going on in my life. Literally, I feel like I’m spending all this time with You God, but…
Transparency, will set you free
A friend from college really blessed me this week. She was very transparent about deep and personal issues in her marriage. I read her story and I was utterly speechless. She looked so happy on her pictures (not to say she ever wasn’t). She was in a great relationship/healthy marriage. She had a baby last year. She seemed so happy in her pictures. In. Her. Pictures. Little did I or everyone else know, everything was unraveling. We get so caught up in what people post and we think they have the best life, but behind the screen, they are going through the hardest time(s) ever. I read what he did to her and how he treated her–this woman, is one of the most humble, nicest, sweetest, all the cotton candy adjectives that I know. However, i’m so happy she’s finding peace. I was just excited to think about how many people her transparency would reach by sharing such intimate details about her relationship.
While I am not in her situation, i’m just thankful. It pulled the enemy’s magnifying glass off my -ship and allowed me to refocus where my focus must remain: on Him. In all things. I was debating about slipping and questioning this process, AGAIN. (I just know God tired of me lol.) Maybe you’re like me and you get caught up in the pictures, vlogs and 60 second instagram videos reinforcing your singleness…and it seemingly condemns you because thats not you. While after the 60 seconds or after they posted, these people still lead lives. Just like ours, and we’ll never know what goes on in their relationship. Trials, frustrations, annoyances, trying to find their way, too.
My friend shared this with me:
“I put it out there because there’s a lot of people that admired our relationship. I felt like if I could broadcast all the highs, now that we’re over I want to address it. Especially since I felt ashamed after it happened. I prayed long and hard before realizing I wasn’t the problem or to blame. I wanted other women to know it’s okay to leave and hopefully it’ll prevent somebody from making the same stupid choices! I left that situation and you’d be surprised how many others told me they’d gone through the same thing and didn’t have the courage to leave or speak up.
This is what we do is– long so much for affection and companionship, that we create false love and affection with someone and more than likely it’s based purely out of lust. We settle, becoming complacent and silently content with emotional abuse, infidelity and live with no purpose in our relationship(s). We already decide who, what and how we want it. If it doesn’t come in the package or process were expecting, we reject it—and we keep missing it. Relationship after relationship. We continuously put our identity in other people’s false realities and purposeless desires and it skews our perception of our true identity and what we really are searching for.
“For all that is in the world — the desires of the flesh, the desires of the eyes, and the pride of life —is not from the Father but from the world. The world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God remains forever.…” 1 John 2:16-17
We can’t keep living with the lust of the eye, lust of the flesh and pride of life and expect success. If we keep pursuing our relationships (careers, goals, etc.) by worldly customs, it will not sustain itself. That has definitely been my experience. We keep doing things with the wrong motives and expect God to bless it. We expect God to honor us when we don’t even honor his order and instruction. I haven’t always gotten it right and I still miss it, but there’s a maturity in not stepping into a false thing out of comfort. I’m aiming for covering, not companionship and certainly not comfort.
“And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong–you want only what will give you pleasure.” James 4:3
I left uncertainty, comfort and giving into my flesh last season (well a couple of seasons ago LOL). Now and moving forward is fullness, wholeness, purpose, passion and destiny. I need to be carried by His worship when i’m stuck in a dry season. I need to war in prayer for him when he needs some motivation. The Word tells us, it is not good for man to be alone, but I do believe in order for the fullness of a true kingdom relationship/marriage to come forth, we’ve got to be willing to put in the hard work as individuals.
In all honestly, we are not as lonely as we make it seem. We just need to shift our focus (and get some hobbies). I love a good highlight on the reel , especially positives, but what we are lacking is some real transparency across all areas. I’m thankful for transparency, I love transparency (obviously). I want the fullness. The abundance. I want you to have it too. That’ll only come by keeping HIM first and shedding our expectations that are based on false realities. Building our lives upon His love as a firm foundation and putting our trust in Him alone (and not retake it).
(oh, I shared her testimony with permission. #noshameherecuh)