Build My Life, Part II

Not really a part 2, but it’s a good segue.

I am a firm believer in thinking (and experiencing) what we do not put an end to, if we are ending a season and starting anew, He will bring it to an end.  I’ve had this happen twice already this year. I know that God abruptly brought to an end something i’d been clinging too for far too long, and I knew I was. I just didn’t know…I was afraid to let it go, so I didn’t.  Of course, He did it and I know that i’m being taken to another level in that area of my life. However, I was still in mental and emotional torment in another area of my life.  Just as the first instance, I was trying to remain in control of another situation and not allow God to work it out for me.  Because I was choosing to stay in control, I was staying in pain. 

I found myself smack dab in the middle of an emotional rollercoaster with a guy.

To rewind real quick, I was chilling and at times (like twice, failed miserably) attempted to date between 2013-2016, but nothing ever worked out.  During that time, because I wasn’t preoccupied with a man or a relationship, I was really able to delve deeper into my relationship with God and I really got to know Jesus for myself.

Okay, back on track: first off, me and this guy were great friends. Between the two of us, we had a ton of baggage and a lot of healing to do individually.  God did some real repair on your girl during that the time frame.  If you recall, I was celibate and very single and very much so…not doing anything.  That time of focus really shifted a lot everything for me.  So naturally (i’m assumed) well if ‘ol boy coming to me, knowing i’m not playing any games, sure to goodness he was getting some spiritual repair too.  Long story short, words were said, promises were made, agreements were put in place. Fast forward a year, why is your girl still waiting?  Truth is…

Good Ain’t Godly

I know so many good women and good men.  But who wants a good man or woman?


Anybody can settle for a good man or woman, but not everyone will wait for a godly man or a godly woman.


I’m not talking about someone who goes to church religiously, has good morals and ethics, volunteers with the poor and all that jazz.  We’ve all heard or read at some point that you have to take on the mindset of a husband or wife, but do we really know what that is to each of us?  I don’t think so.  I think we’ve been conditioned and ignorantly taught.  So when I reference a godly man/woman i’m talking about as defined here:


“Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.” Ephesians 5:22-24 The Message (MSG)


The word submit (in traditional texts) has been taken out of context.  The references in my Spirit Filled Bible reads, “submitting is taking a divinely ordered place in a relationship and can never be required by one human being of another, it can only be given on the basis of trust, that is to believe God’s word and be willing to learn and grow in relationships.” It further says of the following verses (that tend to be controversial due to misinterpretation) applies in a unique way to the husband/wife relationship: “Women are never second to men. The wife is to accept the husband’s leadership and the husband leads with mutual respect. Each marriage partner contributes to bringing out the other’s full potential.”

I think the order, mindset, purpose and intentions are wrong in our relationships which is why they often fail.  We’re good, but not exemplifying Godly. In my personal experience and as a friend to others, women (and men 🙄) tend to really pour a lot into relationships, and we don’t receive the same portion in return.  Recall my last post.

But why?  In these same scenarios i’m thinking and referring to, we’re being fed words that aren’t being back up by reciprocating actions.  Why, again (I’m six sigma trained, so I why everything)?  Simple, that person is still in self-mode and their heads don’t align with their hearts.  When a person is entering into one’s life, equally their hearts, but with the wrong intentions, order, mindset, they are giving you an invitation to suffer.  Albeit, sometimes the entrance can be innocent, but out of ignorance or the importance of timing.  We are misleading others by leading them on and feeding them seeds of deception.  Oftentimes, we always want to save someone or love them out of their mess, confusion or crisis, but that’s not always (and shouldn’t be) the case, especially if they’re voluntarily hanging on to it and choosing that habit/lifestyle over you.  It’s not worth it sis (or bro).


“Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.” James 1:14-15 New Living Translation (NLT)


You want The Promise or Pain?

There is always a purpose for love and our relationships, but sometimes it doesn’t always work.  Sometimes it could not work because it is not God’s purpose for us or the right time.  Other times, we can miss it (or them)—and that’s okay.  God has replacements— Moses/Aaron, Elijah/Elisha, and Saul/David. Ruth was rewarded with her Boaz after her husband passed.  Other times, we just miss the promise, purposely. So, YOU ARE NOT HAGAR.  Don’t settle as a Hagar, when you are someone’s Sarah.  Sarah’s are birthed through the process.  Abraham’s are challenged in the process, so much so they end up abandoning the promise for convenience.  But that’s what “good” people do, they settle for easy.  It’s easy to find and obtain something outside of God’s covenant and do it your way—there’s no waiting involved!  Then we get stuck in a vicious Hagar cycle out of comfort, complacency and convenience, never obtaining the Promise,  Sarah.

God wants us to enjoy our singleness and most certainly not in pain and torment while waiting.  We can miss God at any season of our lives when we are focused on the wrong things.


God is always protecting us from counterfeits, but we lose faith like Abram and Sarai! We cannot expect our promise when we are settling as Hagar and with Hagar’s. 


Don’t be Hagar.  Love will guide and connect you. Lust will mislead you.  Those empty promises will lead you to full revelations. There are things we do that had God on it but not in it. Having a good man/woman isn’t enough. God doesn’t want you to have a good man/woman, he wants you to have a godly man that you can have through the process.


Be Phenomenl,



One thought on “Build My Life, Part II

  1. Tierra Rivers says:

    This truly blessed me sis! For many years I hated being single. I was a Hagar, looking for love and fulfillment in a man. That only left me with 2 kids by myself. But, God is so awesome that he uses all things for the good. Those situations brought me closer to him, now I see God is truly my husband, my best friend, my everything. I love spending time with my daddy. Although, I do desire to marry one day, it’s no longer my focus. God is! I’m now able to embrace this journey of singleness, and enjoy the process! God’s timing is always perfect. I know what God has for me is far much greater than I can imagine or even think.❤

    Liked by 1 person

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